Jesus

oh how i need Him right now.

i need Him always.

there are times when i feel so close.

and times when i feel so far.

you have no idea how much i feel alone.

even though i know i'm not.

the Lord gave me the word "restoration" a few years ago.

i'm still looking for it.

believing it.

i need restoration.


restoration:

-To bring back into existence or use; reestablish: restore law and order.
-To bring back to an original condition: restore a building. See synonyms at revive
-To put (someone) back in a former position: restore the emperor to the throne.
-To make restitution of; give back: restore the stolen funds


Jesus,

bring me back to life. restore my heart. open my eyes.
revive me. breathe into me. Your words. not mine.
Your life. not mine. Your eyes. not mine. Your hands. not mine.

♥

a few weeks ago i met a woman in publix. she had no money for thanksgiving dinner. well...she told me that. only Jesus knows the condition of her heart & well...He knows the condition of mine, so i helped her out. i got in the car. cried nonetheless. i have been given so much. i went home. cried. got in the shower. cried. fell on my face. cried out to God in the shower & told Him..."i only want to love like You. i don't care about anything else."

i don't know why i'm saying this. but what else is there?

what else...

sometimes i honestly wonder what else there is. curiousity weighs on my at times. the lie of the enemy is that i'm missing out. sometimes i wonder what it would have been like had i reached for that "bottle," had i given in to that boy, had i given everything up to live like everyone else. if i'm honest sometimes i still think about it.

thank you Jesus. you have spared me from so much.

then i realize that all of these things. these things...don't amount to anything.


Jesus.
my Everything.
the One who holds me in His arms.
when i cry.
through my heartbreaks.
and my pain.
He opens my heart to love.
despite that i've been hurt.