5.8.08

I have watched the movie 27 dresses about a million times in the past few days. It’s kind of a chic flick I suppose. The main character reminds me so much of myself that it absolutely scares me. If only James Marsden would come sweep me off my feet…haha.
That’d be the day. :) It was funny because I just blogged about me feeling like I’m always taking care of everybody & that I needed someone to just take care of me for a while…& that’s exactly what the story line was. Weirdness. And I guess sometimes we all just need to learn to say no. Me especially, because I’m always trying to make other people happy.

Today was horrendous. Don’t you love how the last 2 blogs were about my terrible days. :) Aside from getting myself in a conundrum in the parking garage & scratching my mother’s car to oblivion…

I don’t know. It was just too much for me to handle for one day on top of everything else. I feel terrible about it, but I’m hanging in. I guess it’s just life for you. If I was my mother, I would have kicked my butt. Some poor guy had to come help me out after I had gotten myself into this irreversible situation. It was then suddenly that I realized I needed a man in my life A.S.A.P. Haha. No seriously. For the 1st time in a while I had gotten myself in a situation where I absolutely needed someone to help ME & I was no longer strong enough to handle the situation myself which is unusual for me considering I usually am. It actually kind of scared me a little bit. I don’t think it’s really pride that I don’t ask for help. I mean maybe a little bit, but I think it’s more just independence & wanting to prove that I can do it by myself. Ok…I guess that’s considered pride. Nevermind. Anyways…God bless his sweet heart. He bailed me out. Of course asking me how in the heck I could have ever maneuvered the car into that tight of a space. To which I proceeded to tell him that I had no idea. I was shaking like a leaf & about to bust into tears. Then he got me out of the car & I watched him straighten everything up as if it was no big deal at all. I told you all I wanted was someone to rescue me. And well I guess I got a hero today. Of course I wasn’t really looking for a hero in that kind of situation, but I guess I’ll take what I can get. I felt like such a reject & entwined in utter humiliation, but as he was walking away I still managed to shout at him, “You are my hero.” But it really was true. I am completely convinced that I wouldn’t have made it without him today. And all the while I am extremely thankful for him, I know that in his heart of hearts, he felt truly needed. Though this seems as though such a small accomplishment, he meant the world to me. A poor little girl crying for help just needed a strong guy confident in what he was doing to save her. I would have been completely confident in a divine intervention from God. I guess you never really know how many people you are going to reach or how many people you may be pulling out of the dirt. Heroes seem to show up in the strangest of places. I actually have a lot of heroes & I guess I don’t mention it to them enough, but even some of the people that I have met this year…even with their smiles, high fives, waves, kisses on my cheek or those little brushes against my arm…felt to me like they were saving my life. Not really that I was dying or anything. Haha. But just their smile…made me breathe in something of the feeling of tranquility and made me feel that I am in fact beautiful and needed.

Jesus is all that I will ever need & I am certain that if a man never came into my life, I would be fine, yet at the same time, God knows the desires of my heart which longs for a wonderful man who will love me & take care of me like He does. I am determined not to mess it up, but the older I become, the more difficult things get. And the more difficult things get, the more I find myself wishing he was here. Yet the more difficult things get, the more I learn to cling to the Father…the Lover of my heart.

I wish I could tell you that every hour of every day I spend calling upon the name of the Lord, but that’s just not the case. I’m so selfish & completely lost, yet He never gives up on me. He thinks about me constantly as I’m too busy to even remember to thank Him for the tiniest of things. It’s such a relief to know that even though most of the time I screw up, He’s still waiting to catch me when I fall.

New subject. Sheesh my blogs have been long lately. I’m having to type them on my laptop & then go somewhere else later to post because I don’t have internet. Haha. I start school Monday. That was the favor of God right there. I was absolutely positive that I wasn’t going to be able to get into a maymester & well…I did!  I mean I really am excited about it despite the fact that it IS a speech class in which I HATE public speaking. But I’m sure I’ll make it. I always do. Then for regular summer session I should be taking 2 classes & 2 labs. It will be tough, but it will lighten my already tremendous load that I have next year. I’m determined to make it my best year of college yet. There’s so many amazing people that I’ve already met & I need them to rub off on me. OBVIOUSLY….I need a little help. :)

Anyways. I hope that I can be a hero for someone somewhere.

I am so thankful for those who have been heroes in my life.
And for my Hero.
That saved my life.
When He conquered the grave.
And set me free.


.love.