life makes love look hard

restoration

i have so much to say. the Lord has been speaking to me so much lately. there's so much i want to say yet i don't exactly know how. not that i don't know how but there's this overabundance of things i need to say & things that i have been learning. i guess i can say i am completely & utterly amazed at the restoration of my God.

restoration is sort of a word He's been speaking to me for years now. perhaps because i need so much of it. so much of Him. it's something i have been praying for for years in my own life & with my own bruised & tattered heart.

i recently heard shelly lubben tell her testimony. her testimony of her life in detail as an ex porn star & i felt floored. i debated whether to put it up due to it's descriptiveness & finally have decided not to for perhaps some discretion with younger readers. if it is of any interest to you, you can listen to it on youre own.

not to any surprise that my God is (Eph. 3:20) able to do exceedingly more than we could ask or imagine. His grace us this blanket that covers us & His forgiveness astounds me.

theres so much i want to say. so many things in my life have been coming up lately centered around this theme. but my brain is unorganized. perhaps i can get something together & express myself better later.

.love always.

2011 in review

http://yearinreview.yahoo.com/2011/blog/1263/inspiring-video/

this ones for the brokenhearted

if only everyone was this vulnerable.

he's such a little cutie too!

why can't we all just learn to...

love.

“This is your life. Do what you love, and do it often. If you don’t like something, change it. If you don’t like your job, quit. If you don’t have enough time, stop watching TV. If you are looking for the love of your life, stop; they will be waiting for you when you start doing things you love. Stop over analyzing, life is simple. All emotions are beautiful. When you eat, appreciate every last bite. Open your mind, arms, and heart to new things and people, we are united in our differences. Ask the next person you see what their passion is, and share your inspiring dream with them. Travel often; getting lost will help you find yourself. Some opportunities only come once; seize them. Life is about the people you meet and the things you create with them, so go out and start creating. Live your dream, and wear your passion. Life is short.”

love me some ry adams:

Jesus help

me say and
do the right thing.

my favorite

“In all the world, there is no heart for me like yours.
In all the world, there is no love for you like mine.”
― Maya Angelou

grace

i am so amazed at the faithfulness of my God. i truly am. i screw up day after day after day after day after day....& He still loves me. He still takes care of me. hears my prayers...& my cries for help. for desperation. He has sent me so many wonderful people. friends who have made me reach for more. friends who have made me never quit. & ones that have stuck around letting me know i'm not alone in my fight. i am so excited for the things that are coming. i'm excited to be at passion city church. i guess i didn't realize how dry my soul was until i finally went back to church. several years without it and without people surrounding me that were chasing after the things of God & not the things of this world makes all of the difference to me. i can't tell you the amount of freedom i have found in my God. sometimes there is nothing left to do but stand with outstretched arms in awe. i really can't tell you how liberating it is to dance around in abandonment. uninhibited. for this life is truly not my own. getting to that point of setting down my pride and laying aside my life for the things of the Kingdom is not an easy task. learning to be wrecked of my life is frightening quite frankly. learning to be still & listen for the voice of my Father isn't easy. especially when having to let go of things in my life that i've clung so tightly to. but my dreams are within reach. the time is coming. i can feel it. it's been contagious these past few months. & i'm ready. i'm ready for what is coming next.


God's grace is unending.
& thank God...literally.
because i need grace more than everyone i think.



love always.

thank you scotty mccreery

I know I'm still young
But, I know how I feel
I might not have too much experience
But, I know when love is real.

By the way my heart starts pounding
When I look into your eyes
I might look a little silly
Standing with my arms stretched open wide.

I love you this big
Eyes have never seen... this big
No-one's ever dreamed... this big
And I'll spend the rest of my life
Explaining what words cannot describe but, I'll try
I love you this big

I'll love you to the moon and back
I'll love you all the time
Deeper than the ocean
And higher than the pines.

Cause girl, you do something to me
Deep down in my heart
I know I look a little crazy
Standing with my arms stretched all apart.

I love you this big
Eyes have never seen... this big
No-one's ever dreamed... this big
And I'll spend the rest of my life
Explaining what words cannot describe but, I'll try
I love you this big

So much bigger than I ever dreamed my heart ever would
I love you this big
And I'd write your name in stars across the sky
If I could, I would

I love you this big
Oh, eyes have never seen... this big
No-one's ever dreamed... this big
And I'll spend the rest of my life
Explaining what words cannot describe but, I'll try
I love you this big

I love you this big
Oh, eyes have never seen... this big
No-one's ever dreamed... this big
And I'll spend the rest of my life
Explaining what words cannot describe but, I'll try
I love you this big





http://youtu.be/ZVq8nEHCKd4

you'll be in my dreams tonight

YES!!

this would be so fun. i want it.

http://youtu.be/pRwSqrfHdQg

"sometimes when one person is missing, the whole world seems depopulated." -alphonse de lamartine

having a coke with you

is even more fun than going to San Sebastian, Irún, Hendaye, Biarritz, Bayonne
or being sick to my stomach on the Travesera de Gracia in Barcelona
partly because in your orange shirt you look like a better happier St. Sebastian
partly because of my love for you, partly because of your love for yoghurt
partly because of the fluorescent orange tulips around the birches
partly because of the secrecy our smiles take on before people and statuary
it is hard to believe when I'm with you that there can be anything as still
as solemn as unpleasantly definitive as statuary when right in front of it
in the warm New York 4 o'clock light we are drifting back and forth
between each other like a tree breathing through its spectacles

and the portrait show seems to have no faces in it at all, just paint
you suddenly wonder why in the world anyone ever did them

I look
at you and I would rather look at you than all the portraits in the world
except possibly for the Polish Rider occasionally and anyway it's in the Frick
which thank heavens you haven't gone to yet so we can go together the first time
and the fact that you move so beautifully more or less takes care of Futurism
just as at home I never think of the Nude Descending a Staircase or
at a rehearsal a single drawing of Leonardo or Michelangelo that used to wow me
and what good does all the research of the Impressionists do them
when they never got the right person to stand near the tree when the sun sank
or for that matter Marino Marini when he didn't pick the rider as carefully
as the horse

it seems they were all cheated of some marvelous experience
which is not going to go wasted on me which is why I am telling you about it

—Frank O'Hara

i love my church

http://www.passioncitychurch.com/blog/?p=885

love.never.fails.

the vancouver riot kiss:::




THE BEFORE:

http://youtu.be/8mtURc7mkUg


AND AFTER:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HY86ccy4jj4


:) oh...love.

you do make people do funny things.


this reminds me of my favorite photo of the sailor & nurse 'kissing the war goodbye' at the top. sigh...


heroic romance. every girls dream :P

no time

i don't have much time to write these days. sad :( too much studying for the gre to do. & too much trying to figure out how to meet application deadlines.




until next time...
xoxo

you are my sunshine

waiting

5.24.11

I have never resented the gift I have to feel more deeply than the average human being. Oddly enough I recognized this in myself early on. It has given me a great sense of compassion and fulfillment in my 24 years of life. It’s given me a heart for people & an ability to see in them things that no one else can see. I will never regret loving with my entire being. But even with gifts, there can also become downsides to them. When my heart breaks, it shatters into a million tiny pieces which almost seem to me to be virtually unbearable, but with every heart break I become stronger. And maybe on the flip side even a little more cynical. The fear of losing has never stopped me from loving with every integral of my soul. For I have truly learned that it is better to have loved & lost than to have never have loved at all. Yes, I’ve made mistakes…plenty of them, but I’ve learned that not taking a chance on love is foolish. After all, if you do indeed “lose,” not all is lost. Learning to risk looking like a fool for love is the only way to live. We only live once. Only get one shot. For me, I will not live it closed off, guarded & afraid. I will love deeply. I will take my chances. Love hurts like hell sometimes. But what I do know is that running from it hurts worse. Love isn’t all happy & bubbly all the time. Sometimes its scraping through the muck together. It’s not always that euphoric feeling that we always associate with love. Sometimes it feels feelingless or hurts a little, but its in those times that true love takes its shape. It’s birthed from a kind of innocence & honesty that only love can bring about. Love is that sleepless phone call at 3am just to say…I miss you. It’s simple really. I often wonder why everyone makes it so complicated. That’s where I’m at tonight. Sorting through the chaos & rubble of life. Trying to find your heart. Just to tug on its strings a little. Long enough to tell you I love you.

“We’re gonna do what lovers do. We’re gonna have a fight or two. But I aint ever changing my mind. Crazy {boy} don’t you know that I love you. I wouldn’t dream of going nowhere. Silly {boy} come here. let me hold you. Have I told you lately…I love you like crazy {boy}.” –eli young band

So go. Go love. & don’t hold back.

summer love

it's about that time i'd say.



things are changing so fast.
but i'm not afraid.
let's jump together.
no regrets.
no looking back.
i'm strong.
& i'm ready.
to brave the odds.



(whatever will be...will be)





choose love.




Push me in a corner
And I'll come out fighting
I may lose but I 'll always keep my faith -gwyneth paltrow

like a lion

this song is incredible. i love it...daniel bashta is the original writer but kristian stanfill is doing a cover here (above). it has been so amazing to sit under these worship leaders on sunday nights at passion city church. i have so loved it & am completely stoked for the renovation of their new building here in atlanta.

below is daniel...i'm only posting that one to remind me to learn to play it :)




i have been fortunate to be able to catch this incredible man of God a few times playing at riverstone when i'm not at passion city. he's riverstones main worship leader & an incredible worship leader at that! the anointing on his life is...breathtaking truly. i showed up sunday morning a few months ago & sat in the back with one of my best friends. the Lord began speaking to my heart & by the end of it i was in virtual tears...leaned over to my friend & started reverberating these utterances to her. incredible. i'm so thankful for these little moments where the Lord takes me by the hand & speaks to me. despite my stubborn & prodigal heart, He still chases after me...wraps me in His Love.

anyways...


big things are coming.
revolutionary things.


ps. if your in the atl area over easter, make your way out to passion citys good friday service @ verizon wireless amp.

i went last year...so awesome...so awesome.

the apparent selfishness of this generation seems overwhelming at times, but it has truly been a life changing event to worship with thousands of selfless young people who pour out their devotion to the living God..all together on good friday.







it's contagious too.


oh & oh.my.gosh. i can't believe i forgot to mention i saw hillsong united last month.

that's all i really need to say. you can fill in the blanks. all i know is that i need to carry a pen & paper on me at all times.

words can't describe.








love always.

on love & other ramblings

Ah romance! Why cant love be like it was in the days where there were black & white movies? Genuine cary grant style. Where long love letters are written in the finest penmanship & the kisses were long & slow. Chivalry was the norm. Men respected woman. & woman respected their men. Womens bodies were covered & make up didnt destroy the natural beauty of a woman. Men were classy & women were sophisticated. Ankles, wrists & collarbones were sexy. Love was right on time. Slow dancing was out of the innocence of being close to a lovers touch. All starry eyed & lost in your lovers eyes. Audrey hepburns a-cup breasts werent looked down upon nor were marilyn monroes size 12 hips. Coming home to flowers for no occasion. I suppose love can still be like this at times. You know...that purest form of love. But everything I see in magazines & see on tv...reminds me that a love like this is hard to come by. A good ol' old fashioned love. I have been lucky enough to catch glimpses of this in my life. Id say its something worth striving for. It turns out that selfless love is the only love. & as for me...i should strive to love out of the purest form. Not out of my selfish desires but to the consideration of anothers heart. Turns out romance is a fight to hold on to in this sex crazed world. But its something that should never be lost.

i'm dancing to this song at my wedding.

i'm serious.

look, we need to talk

sheesh. things are happening so quickly. february is nearly over...summer is approaching. i'm just going to go ahead & skip right over spring. the weather is starting to get much warmer which makes me undeniably happy. there are a few other things in my life right now which make me undeniably happy too :D

life is so crazy you know? i guess the thing that makes all the difference is how you deal with the craziness & uncertainty. i for one am learning to take it one day at a time. it's a constant battle...but all of life is. it's this never ending cycle of ups & downs.

for me especially in this phase of my life. & in just about every area of life. i've been rediscovering the importance of things in my life & am slowly letting myself go into this free fall.

it feels good. a little scary to be back up there jumping off the edge again, but it's been a rush. the winds been blowing me where ever it wills. & this time i'm going to let it. no matter the risk.





love always.

JM

i feel like i've been slow dancing in a burning room for the past few days. so in honor of that...John Mayer...take me away. i love how i don't write anymore & i just let songs say it for me. i've gotten lazy. it's whatev. it comes in waves.

something like this

Cuz I'm walkin down this road alone.

And figured all I'm thinking about is you.

Is you my love.
And my head is in a cloud of rain.

And the world it seems so far away.

And I'm just waiting for.
The droplets.

You left a mark.
I wear it proudly on my chest.
Above my heart.
To remind me that I feel the best.
When I'm with you.
To me everything is effortless.
You know its true.
My eyes are painted with regret and I don’t need it.

-colbie caillat

jason reeves please

there's this place in me where your fingerprints still rest, your kisses still linger and your whispers softly echo. it's the place where a part of you will forever be a part of me. ---gretchen kemp

this morning i virtually woke up in tears. isn't that weird. it's like as human being sometimes our hearts become so overcome with heaviness that even in our sleep, we are not entirely relieved. i've been at work for the past few days doing one of my long jobs. i get off on thursday morning. it has been a nice change away from the mundane, but i've been unpleasantly bored & oddly enough i'm exhausted. which usually means a lot is running through this head & heart of mine.

so many changes in my own life need to take place. there are so many things that i want to see happen. so much to accomplish in this upcoming year. i'm taking literally one second at a time trying to figure this all out. i'm itching to get back to the water. my love. i'd like to see a little of the coast for a while. it feels like home to me. & home is right where i want to be.

i may be a summer advocate, but come february, i become incredibly anxious for some sunshine & warmer weather. some sunshine outside makes my entire life a little brighter. not to mention i will be another year older in a few weeks. i don't feel any older. but with my age comes more responsibilities. more decisions. more searching.

that is all for now. i'm at an indoor rock climbing venue. i should make use of my time & free wifi to....find a job or something :D

love always.

call & response

iheartrevolution

iheartrevolution

iheartrevolution

kissing the war goodbye

this is my favorite picture :D

i don't know why

but this makes me want to cry. probably because it's true. and probably because i understand it & it's relevance in my life is overwhelming.

aside from that, my heart is somewhere in africa right now. i've had my mind on africa a lot this week. i want to be there. soon.

passion is something i don't really lack. be passionate about something. anything. those who live with passion truly breathe & those who live without it are suffocating.

whatever it is that you do. whoever it is that you love.

be passionate.

2011

i really was planning to write today. i had some of my post done & then i decided i didn't want to really say any of what was on it yet. my hearts been kind of somber lately. it's a new year. it's time to start rebuilding. this should be really hard, but it will be good for me. it makes me a little bit stronger with each passing day. last year was tremendously difficult, but this is my year of transition. changes. a year to figure out where my life is headed. i am appreciative of the many people in my life right now that make me reach for more. that is all for now. you haven't seen the last of me.