5.24.11

I have never resented the gift I have to feel more deeply than the average human being. Oddly enough I recognized this in myself early on. It has given me a great sense of compassion and fulfillment in my 24 years of life. It’s given me a heart for people & an ability to see in them things that no one else can see. I will never regret loving with my entire being. But even with gifts, there can also become downsides to them. When my heart breaks, it shatters into a million tiny pieces which almost seem to me to be virtually unbearable, but with every heart break I become stronger. And maybe on the flip side even a little more cynical. The fear of losing has never stopped me from loving with every integral of my soul. For I have truly learned that it is better to have loved & lost than to have never have loved at all. Yes, I’ve made mistakes…plenty of them, but I’ve learned that not taking a chance on love is foolish. After all, if you do indeed “lose,” not all is lost. Learning to risk looking like a fool for love is the only way to live. We only live once. Only get one shot. For me, I will not live it closed off, guarded & afraid. I will love deeply. I will take my chances. Love hurts like hell sometimes. But what I do know is that running from it hurts worse. Love isn’t all happy & bubbly all the time. Sometimes its scraping through the muck together. It’s not always that euphoric feeling that we always associate with love. Sometimes it feels feelingless or hurts a little, but its in those times that true love takes its shape. It’s birthed from a kind of innocence & honesty that only love can bring about. Love is that sleepless phone call at 3am just to say…I miss you. It’s simple really. I often wonder why everyone makes it so complicated. That’s where I’m at tonight. Sorting through the chaos & rubble of life. Trying to find your heart. Just to tug on its strings a little. Long enough to tell you I love you.

“We’re gonna do what lovers do. We’re gonna have a fight or two. But I aint ever changing my mind. Crazy {boy} don’t you know that I love you. I wouldn’t dream of going nowhere. Silly {boy} come here. let me hold you. Have I told you lately…I love you like crazy {boy}.” –eli young band

So go. Go love. & don’t hold back.