7.12

Hi. It’s me.
I can recap real quick.
I have no internet, hence the reason I never write to you anymore.
Organic I & lab start tomorrow. Yes….can you hear my sarcasm?
Then on to part II. 10 weeks total. Then I’m 100% done. Diploma in hand.
Ready to take on the world. I will do this. I will succeed. & I will do it with a smile on my face even when it’s painful.
I will be brave & I will conquer.
Other than that…nothing much to report.
That is the biggest thing on my mind right now.

And “you” of course.
The “you” I haven’t been able to shake since I left sunny florida.
I can’t explain it.
The fleeting glimpse of whatever it was that we had still lingers in my mind.
It was the nothingness that we had that made me fall so hard.
It was completely impulsive.
I’m rarely impulsive.
But…somehow entirely satisfying.
I don’t know.
All I know is that I miss him.
And I feel juvenile for even saying that.
Simply because he probably hasn’t thought twice about me.
Sometimes I wonder why things can’t be different.
Why can’t you be here with me?
Or me there with you?
Is it sheer separation?
Or is it the fact of knowing that I want something I can’t have.
Both.
That’s what I say.
You know me.
I always wear my heart on my sleeve.
It has been all I can do to keep my big mouth shut.
I’ve tried talking myself out of it.
But…you can’t help who you love.

Oh you know. That crazy little thing called love.
Love…sigh.
focus steph focus!
Organic organic organic!!!!

“sweet darling. This is my confession to the crimes of wanting you badly. And darling if you’re wondering. Here’s you’re answer. Yes I like you. I don’t love you. I can’t love you. or at least I do not think I do…” –between the trees

so goodnight my love.