7.2

July 2, 2009


July. I listened to my favorite Christmas song ‘baby it’s cold outside’ today. I guess it was that whole Christmas in July mentality. I have no idea what happened.

The beginning of this week was rather treacherous to grit my teeth through. Not sure why. Just the uncertainty of life I suppose. That darn uncertainty creeps up on my every now & again. Sometimes to the point of debilitation. Fear can be the most debilitating, asinine thing ever. It always gets in my way. On the other hand, speaking my mind is one of the most liberating feelings, specifically in relationships. I mean, sure…maybe I’m a little outspoken in relationships, but I refuse to wish that I would have said something that I didn’t. It often results in that feeling that I am an idiot for saying it, but I don’t know…I still find it somewhat refreshing that I am confident enough to express myself.

Life is something I may never figure out. So I should stop trying. I am thoroughly convinced (as of today) that life is not nearly as hard as we make it out to be. I am still finding who I am. I am also convinced that the answer is right in front of me. I have known the answer all along, but I still insist on looking everywhere else. Why is that?

There are many changes I need to make within my own life. So many I have decided that in fact it seems to be somewhat overwhelming.

Speaking of overwhelming. Class starts in like 10 days. Boo. But when it is over my friends…when it is over. I will be one happy girl. (I hope)

I have already decided that after my Organic II final is over in September, I am going on a small sabbatical in the beautiful town of Lakeland, Florida. The only home I have known for the past 3 years. I have decided, provided everything work out, that I will stay there until I am darn good & ready to return. Hopefully by then I will have a slightly better idea as to what I am going to do. Only time will tell.

This Sunday, I am spending 5 days with one of my best friends in sunny Destin. I love the beach. I love sunshine. & I love my besties. And as much as I complain about it, I love the heat. My complaining is just to fill in the silence. I do love the warm weather. Especially because my hands are always freezing. Of course the boys are the only ones other than me that notice that. They never seem to let me live that down for some reason.

I miss so many things right now. I miss Florida so much. I miss my accountability. I miss my best friends. I miss dressing up hoping that I will see that cute boy. Haha. It sounds stupid, but I do. I miss the coffeehouse. I miss running at Lake Hollingsworth. I miss the sun. I miss the pressure of schoolwork. I miss climbing to the top of Mitchell’s only to be scared out of my mind that I was going to fall off the top or get drug away to jail for trespassing. I miss adventures with ‘the family.’ I miss continual smiles & encouragement. I miss teachers who we complained about because they had no idea what they were doing. I miss late night trips to Wally World with intense outfits on. I miss the sunsets over the lake. I miss stilettos, cobblestones, & sore ankles. I miss a lot of things. Those things are just a memory. Things that I will never forget. A lot of them, I will perhaps never get back which saddens me. On the other hand, I know…there are great things to come.

There’s a lot I want to say. A lot I could say. But I’m somewhat tired. I think that I will retire for the night.

Until later.

Cheers.