people

i know this is a little edgy. but what can i say i'm an edgy girl.

i don't know why this has been burning in my spirit so much the past few days. well, i know why. but i'm even reluctant to say it on here to prevent offense & miscommunication for those who really have no clue what i'm talking about. i feel like the world is dying & going to hell & they don't know it. i mean...it's like serious. i don't mean figurative hell. i mean literal hell. get it? i don't even know what to say about it or how do say it. but it's like...people don't know the Truth. i want someone to kick me in the shin & say...DUH STEPH. but how will they know if we don't tell them? we get on our soapboxes about what is right & what is wrong, but why why why why why can't we just show people the love of Jesus. someone please tell me why we are so hurtful & judgemental? why are we so prideful & scared of what people think about us? if we're no different than anyone else...how will they ever see what's real? i've been hurt so much by people like this. and i thank God that i know the truth. i know this has no reflection on Him, but instead only a reflection on the insecure lips of people who know nothing of His love and mercy. Forgiveness is all i have left for such as these.


just a thought.




if there's one specific strength in my life i can pinpoint (other than i'm glad that i have held purity to such a high standard)...it's that i love people. there are not too many things about myself that i can say i really love myself for. i mean...i'm sure i think of myself to lowly but not lowly enough. can you hear me on that one? but i really love love love people. i don't care who they are. where they came from. what they did. what they look like. i never have. i'm not one to judge. i love people who don't look like me. i love hurting people. i love that i'm not perfect & i love that you aren't perfect. i love that we both mess up. i love when we can just be honest & real about life. about God. & about the things that we have to deal with every day.





i guess i've been thinking about all of this because i had a weird/scary dream last night. without giving you every detail...it was as if this guy (who if i said his name you would know) looked back at me with a tear in his eye. i looked at him, both of us knowing that he was about to die. & me of course knowing that he wasn't going to be with the Lord. nothing else really happened with it, but i remember the pain i felt & that tear that rested on his eye as if to say...i should have listened. i was lost & hurting & no one cared.

i don't know if this makes any sense to you. but it does to me. how much longer will we put God on the back burner & our lives on the front.

frankly i'm sick of it.

i'm ready to chase after God at any cost.
at life.
at death.
scary to say it.
but what else is there
worth living for?






.love.

"i'm ready now. do what You will." -desperation band