november 15

I think I’m going to cry. Ok probably not. But if I cried ever…I think I’d be crying right now. I’m not entirely sure why. Life has been wearing on my lately. The build up of discomfort is now catching up I suppose. I have much on my mind lately. I wish that I were at liberty to tell all on here. Although, this is partly a diary if you will, there are certain things I mustn’t discuss on the world wide web. I am an open minded & honest person, but for the discretion of the other “party” I fear I must keep my mouth closed. In the words of the famous film, Titanic, “a woman’s heart is an ocean full of secrets.” I guess I can understand that. I’ll just discuss the best I can given the circumstance & keep the rest…well…“a secret”.

Ok. Here goes. I’ll shoot as straight as possible.

I should never be a product of disrespect.
Ever ever ever.
Used for selfish disconnected relations.
The self-indulgent ways another.
Is never an excuse for me to also be self-indulgent.
Despite my insecurities and my lack of self control.
My determination to be accepted.
Loved.
I’m never not obligated to love another.
To be selfless.
My emotions/feelings.
Open up my life to new realms.
Yet.
These are not in control of me.
I deserve respect.
The love from someone.
Who is worthy of my love in return.
Who is one who will fight for me.
Be a refuge in my time of weakness.
Hold me through wearisome times.
With no intention of anything in return.
One who will let me rest my head on his chest.
Wipe away my tears when I cry.
What I do not need.
Is one who will walk out on me.
One who takes all that I can give.
And more.
And leaves me on the corner of the street.
In the pouring rain.
Alone.



This has been a tough lesson in my life. But a necessary one. I am still in process of understanding my self worth. Luckily, there is one Man who fits my descriptions. He shows me what love is. I push aside His words so many many many times. Yet, He loves. He fights for me.



This my friends.
Is love.



He brings Beauty from my pain.

My ugly, broken, tattered heart.
Bruised.
And beaten from within.
Broken.
Tired heart.


Is tied together with One who’s heart never grows weary.