Jesus i love You

thank You YHWH.
for Your breath.
for Your life.
for Your love.
i am nothing.
without You.

<3

What a BEAUTIFUL day today. i can't get over it. it was so wonderful i could just...i don't know what.






"You said the way my blue eyes shine put those Georgia stars to shame that night." -taylor swift

i'm tired

of being so strong for everyone. i need someone to be strong for ME for once.





i want to give up so bad.
wait did i say that already?
home. i can't wait to go home.
i think.



i just want to take a freaking road trip & paint for pete sake. is that too much to ask? i'm just not sure who i want to go with quite yet though...


any takers? i swear i'm fun.


georgia. georgia on my mind.


"There’s something about the Georgia summer afternoons
When the sun goes down and the air gets cool
And it's home to me it's home to me

And I've been missing that place too much it seems
Gave up any home just to find my dreams
And it's weighing on me it's weighing on me"

meanderings

"those little nothings have meant so much more to me than so many somethings."

oh how i wish i had something extraordinary to share with you. but the truth is i live an ordinary life extraordinarily. and...i like it that way. i mentioned a zillion times how much i love meeting people. it is as true today as it was then. i love listening to people stories. i love people who love. i love love. nothing extraordinary has really happened to me in the past few days. i've met some amazing people, but that's just because i talk to everybody i see. it's like an addiction with me. i seriously can't help it.





i go home in one week. i'm mostly happy, but sad to leave the people i love. you know how it goes. but you know what they say..."absence makes the heart grow fonder." do you believe that? i think i do. keeping you from what you want only makes you want it more. unfortunately. who knows what this summer will hold. i'm going with no expectations. but there's a few things i want to accomplish...here they are:




-paint. paint. & paint some more.
-play my piano & finish more of my songs.
-teach my dog not to jump on me when i come in the door.
-take 11 hrs of classes (not happy about that one).
-run 500 miles (not all at once).
-talk to one stranger every day.
-read a few books with chai tea latte in hand.
-take a roadtrip (alone & not alone).
-take time to breath deep.
-dance a lot.
-lay outside under the stars.
-photograph.
-get enough courage to tell you how i really feel about you (in a good way).




there's just the beginning. let's see how much i get done.


.cheers.

cause

I'm addicted
I'm needy
I'm lost without You
I need You
You're Amazing

-thealmost

i'm free

it feels so good...

more than anything right now

i want...

a large cup of starbucks C H A I L A T T E.
a fluffy P I L L O W.
a soft B L A N K E T.
and i want you to be with M E.
outside under the S T A R S.


that would make me feel so much B E T T E R.
my heart could finally be at R E S T.

♥






my current band: the less.


check them out.

::: we're gonna make it through :::


and some lifehouse for today...




.love.

my heart

will CHOOSE to say. BLESSED BE THE NAME OF THE LORD!

kinda bizzare that i was talking about wounds last time. i had some surgery yesterday. NOT fun at all. i'm going back to the doctor tomorrow. keep me in your prayers. i've just gotta jump this hurdle. then 2 weeks of hard work at school.

then of course time for that summer love.


.cheers.

4.10.08

Today.
Began wonderfully.
Ended not entirely awefully.
But definitely not amazingly.
The concerns of this life.
Weigh down hard on me.
The majority of the time.

I remember when things in my life began to get complicated.
Most nights before I went to sleep…crying no doubt.
And the only thing that I could say to God was…
“Please fix this, because You’re the only One who can.”
And I’d fall asleep with my eyes wide open.
At least it felt like it.

This healing process has been a long one at that.
I never thought it would take this long.
With wounds so large…only the Healer & Creator of my heart could fix.
Because He knows the very rhythm of my heartbeat.
What makes it ache.
What makes it happy.
And of course what makes it love.

Speaking of…why is it so easy to fall in love with LOVE? I wish I had the answer to this question. I am indeed a hopeless romantic despite my independence.

But back to the beginning.
These wounds are still slowly healing.
Time heals all wounds.
At least that’s what “they” say.
Who are THEY?
I’ve always wondered.
But I guess I will see if “they” were right.

I worry way too much about unimportant things & not enough about the important things. My life is completely amazing, but completely imperfect. I don’t have “it” all together. Whatever “it” is. And I never pretend to. I could be the 1st one to say that I rarely have anything together at all.

I’d rather focus on the wonderful half of the day & forget about the rest, but deep down… my heart has innumerable burdens to large for any little girl to handle.

Daddy, heal my broken heart & make it like Yours. I love you.

everything will be alright

How long have I been in this storm?
So overwhelmed by the ocean’s shapeless form
Water's getting harder to tread
With these waves crashing over my head

If I could just see you
Everything would be all alright
If I'd see you
This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
I know everything will be all right
I know everything is alright

I know you didn’t bring me out here to drown
So why am I ten feet under and upside down
Barely surviving has become my purpose
Because I’m so used to living underneath the surface

If I could just see you
Everything would be alright
If I'd see you
This darkness would turn to light

And I will walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
I know will be all right

And I would walk on water
And you will catch me if I fall
And I will get lost into your eyes
I know everything will be alright
I know everything is alright

over it

i'm so completely over everything that isn't anything. everything that is ridiculous & meaningless in the world. i'm in this deal where i'm just like...whatev. whatever You wanna do God.

God was like, "Steph I got you & I love you." & i'm all like "thanks God. i love You too."

we're totally cool with this whole...my life in His hands thing. what the heck took me so long? ha...no it's like a daily decision for me. completely.




but seriously things are coming along though.

life is absolutely beautiful.

i'm thanking God for amazing people in my life.
amazing friendships.
old ones.
new ones.





i keep meeting these people that keep reminding me that hello...i'm not alone.
these people who smile & at me & it's like a punch in my face (in a good way) assuring me that i'm still ALIVE & breathing. These little smiles & brushes against my arm. God, it feels good too. I look at them & i realize why i'm here ONE more time. to love. to pour into others as the Father floods my own heart...to the very center of my being. i love people. i can't even express.





speaking of...God punched me in the face the other night. in a LOVING-God kind of way. He reminded me that i was here to serve Him & other people...not the other way around, as many times, i am a selfish conceited _________ (you fill in the blank...with a CLEAN word. get your mind outta the gutter). but He chose to do it through the gentlest of gentleman. big surprise. the guy even had Jesus' eyes. it was totally biazarre. i wanted to like reach out & touch his shoulder as he was literally on his knees at my feet serving me. it was as if i was looking at Jesus Christ Himself in the flesh in front of me. it was all i could do to hold back from completely weeping all over the sweet guy. i know that i was looking at him with the most dumbfounded look ever probably. haha.




i've seen him several times since then & i wish that our situation would have been in reverse. it SHOULD have been the other way around. i keep wanting to fall at his feet when he walks by. haha. HE was the one that should have been sitting in my position & I on the floor at his feet.

wow. amazing.




see...just when i have completely given up hope on any guys being different from the rest...i meet several in one week & i have hope that eventually one day i'll meet my Love & he'll be unlike anyone i've ever met. oh...that'll be the day. :)

Geez. i'm such a freaking cynic though. it cracks me up sometimes.



.hope. is the light that strikes inside of me.



There's already 2 men in my life anyways...God & my daddy. they're the only men i'll ever need. haha.

nah...my prince charming will be along. i'm not worried. he's going to be unbelieveable. mark me down on that one. he's gonna have to be unbelieveable to love a girl like me. haha. just kidding. kind of. :)






.love from a servant of the only One.

no worries

that sums it all up about now.




i don't believe that anybody feels the way i do about you now
there are many things i'd like to say to you
but i don't know how... -oasis