11.16.07

Here I am again.
In this same bitter fight.
I’m always in.

Home.
They say it’s where the heart is.
But I feel like my heart is somewhere else tonight.

I love home.
It’s just when I’m here…
I think of all the things that WERE.
All the things that ARE.
And all the things that COULD have been.

I couldn’t have fought any harder.
I have no regrets.
Sometimes I hang on too tightly.
Sometimes I give in too easily.
It’s hard to trust.
But it’s harder to lose.

The pain rushes in after a while.
Like an eager sweeping tide.
Drowning me over and over.

My broken heart breaks a little more.
Maybe just over again in a different way.
Even when I try to ignore it.

I’m not as strong as you think.
And it’s not fair.
Because you know that I change.
To be who you want me to be.

It’s weird that things turned out the way they did.
I know it’s for a good reason.
And it’s been a long time.

But it doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.
And it certainly doesn’t make it right.
All the time spent.

And all the tears.
After all of the laughter.
The silence.
The summer sun.
And the beat of our racing hearts.

Life changes so quickly.
Times change.
But people don’t.

Maybe I’m the one doing all of the changing.
But it seems that no matter what happens.
You always come back to the same fight.

That once left you wounded.
Cold and standing in the rain.
Tears pouring down your face.
Waiting for someone to turn around.

But they never do.
You keep breathing.
Keep moving forward.

But every once in a while.
You glance over your shoulder.
And reminisce on what was.

With a little tear.
And a little smile.
That’s what I did tonight.
I won’t forget.
I can’t.
Forget.


Love.

Life.

A little of both.





I have listened to the song “cannonball” by Damien Rice at least a MILLION times. I’m in love with it:

“Stones taught me to fly.
Love taught me to cry.
Life taught me to die.
Come on courage.
Teach me to be shy.
I don’t want to lose.
But it’s not hard to fall.
When you float.
Like a cannonball.”