i will wait

forever for you.


(if i have to)

♥

"God will not send us on any journey for which He does not equip us well."

adventure

"Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." -hellen keller

"Though we travel the world over to find the beautiful, we must carry it with us, or we find it not." -ralph waldo emerson


my roommate & i have decided that this is our year of adventure. ironically we had proceeded to move into our "aventura" building this year. i could say much about the ones that we have been on. the successful, the unsuccessful. it would be too time consuming, but either way, they were adventures.

i am learning that all of life is an adventure. it all begins with one step. one step at a time up that mountain. the struggles that come with it, yet the beauty that is found in everything. beauty is truly everywhere. i find it everywhere. in a friendly smile. in the springtime flowers. in the summer sun. the gentle breeze.

i love it. i love that the beauty of my Creator is found in the smallest things.

♥

as hard as it is to grasp, i am now realizing that my adventure is JUST now starting to begin.


32 days until graduation.

get used to the quotes. i've got a lot lately.





"Do not follow where the path may lead. Go instead where there is no path and make a trail." -ralph waldo emerson

choosing

"Two roads diverged into one and I--I took the one less traveled by and that has made all of the difference." -robert frost


i love this poem. one of my favorites.
it's defining.
of life.

of my life.

i have so much to say to you

so much on my heart. the good. the bad. the inbetween. all of it is unable to fit in this post.

i want Jesus to wreck me.

my friends and i have been having the most interesting conversations lately. like life conversations. meaningful. thought provoking. i love those anyways. my God. i am so appreciative of my friends. without their encouragement, their continuous smiles, i would not be where i am today. many have come & gone. some have stuck around for a while. but the one thing they all have in common is the piece of my heart that i owe to them. the impressions that they have made upon me. the memories that we have shared. for these, i would not trade anything.

graduation. a word that is becoming more real and real in my life. another chapter closed. another goodbye. another goodbye which i am so unready for. i hate hate hate goodbyes. i know that they bring closure. but sometimes i don't want to bring closure. especially to the things that i hold so dear. at times i guess you simply know that it's time, but it tears at my heart. it tears at my heart so much. to have to think of the unknown. i love the adventure. but it's never easy. just about the time i get used to it, it's time to leave. wow. i never thought it would come and go this quickly.

i'll cry. i'm sure of it. i never do. only with goodbyes. there's always an exception. i'm strong. i'll fight it like i always do. sometimes i feel that i'm too brave for my own good. is that possible?

my biggest fear is that i will go back home & forget who i am again. that i will lose sight of what is important. go back to being apathetic. untrusthing. and hurt.

then i snap back to reality, and push myself to this time find happiness in Jesus. in the One who never lets me down.




40 days. and time waits for no one.

so "here comes goodbye."

My God

send me.

if this doesn't stir your heart...




in the words of one of my heroes stephen christian, "everybody has the responsibility to make a difference."

we all have the call.

the choice is whether we respond.


♥

also this song has been stirring in my heart lately.




"He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realize just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us all,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

He is our portion and we are His prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And the heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…

He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Yeah, He loves us"

-john mark mcmillian


john mark mcmillian was at the call Nashville when i was there. the pics at the top are ones that i took when i was there. here you can listen:



or kim walker's version:

this is

beautiful. it puts every other music video to absolute shame.

2.21.09

I want to drop all of my defenses. The expectations that I have put on people. On myself. Drop all of my defenses at Your feet. I’ve had so much to say lately but I haven’t had the time to say it. the words to say it in. I have felt so contradictory recently. Amusingly content, yet painfully discontent. I have found myself between two extremes of which I feel as though I can not escape. The joyfulness that one phase of my life is virtually finished and the fear that the next on is about to begin. The tugging on my heart is like nothing I’ve ever felt. The uncertainty creeps in like an every rushing tide. The relationships I have been so blessed with. yet the cynicism that they will not last. To rid myself of this skepticism is an ongoing battle with me. learning to open myself to the world, to the life of another. Learning to be vulnerable even if it means enduring the pain of losing. I am not afraid of what others think of me. I am not afraid to love. And I’m not even afraid to lose. To take a hit every now and again. I am prepared to take the pain in order to find Beauty. Beauty I will find. And Beauty I will obtain. Through the eyes of the One who makes me beautiful. who stands before me with arms wide open. To Him I owe my life. everything that I am. Everything that I am becoming. TRUST…a word that I am learning to take hold of once again. I have lived too much of my life in utter fear & doubt. I’ve felt like such a failure in my spiritual life lately. God, sometimes I wonder what in the heck I’m doing. I can’t do this on my own, but most of the time I’m living life as though I am alone. Why is that? Why is it that I run? I run. And I run. Then after I run so far I realize what I have lost along the way. Yet You stay. You hold me. if I have to be completely honest, my biggest fear is failure. My biggest fear is that I will run unknowingly so far away & I will forget to run back into Your arms. You’re grace…sustains me. You’re mercy is an oil poured out over my head. You’re love…a constant stream. Never failing to wash away the bitterness of my cold heart. I hear You speaking. The subtle whispers. In the warmth of the sun. In the still moments. You…my Hope.



“if You’re grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.”