*the orphaned anything: stephen christian
*blue like jazz: donald miller
*the shack: william p. young
*twlight series: stefenie meyer
love this song:
Monday, November 23, 2009
on missing the point
USA 60sec add from Hillsong United on Vimeo.
what holds me back from this?
me. only me.
when watch these, i remember once again who i am.
i lose sight of it so easily.
THIS. is who i am.
this is what i love.
this is what i live for.
now...my dream.
MUST become reality.
simple revelations
God just gave me this simple revelation. Some things in life are important. Some things simply aren't. Life is all about discerning between the two.
not gonna lie. i have a hard time with that.
not gonna lie. i have a hard time with that.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
november 18
What I do know.
Is that I miss you.
Sometimes I still feel you.
Sometimes I close my eyes.
And hear you breathing on my neck.
I still taste your kiss on my lips.
And dream that you’re lying next to me.
Waking up without you doesn’t feel right.
And falling asleep alone feels so cold.
Will we ever drop our defenses?
Will we ever learn to love?
When you see me.
Will you pass by without a single glance?
Or will you ask me to dance again?
Time passes so quickly.
But when we’re apart.
Time passes oh so slow.
I’m dreaming of our eyes meeting again.
To be in your arms again.
Is the only thing I’ve ever really wanted.
Is that I miss you.
Sometimes I still feel you.
Sometimes I close my eyes.
And hear you breathing on my neck.
I still taste your kiss on my lips.
And dream that you’re lying next to me.
Waking up without you doesn’t feel right.
And falling asleep alone feels so cold.
Will we ever drop our defenses?
Will we ever learn to love?
When you see me.
Will you pass by without a single glance?
Or will you ask me to dance again?
Time passes so quickly.
But when we’re apart.
Time passes oh so slow.
I’m dreaming of our eyes meeting again.
To be in your arms again.
Is the only thing I’ve ever really wanted.
november 15
I think I’m going to cry. Ok probably not. But if I cried ever…I think I’d be crying right now. I’m not entirely sure why. Life has been wearing on my lately. The build up of discomfort is now catching up I suppose. I have much on my mind lately. I wish that I were at liberty to tell all on here. Although, this is partly a diary if you will, there are certain things I mustn’t discuss on the world wide web. I am an open minded & honest person, but for the discretion of the other “party” I fear I must keep my mouth closed. In the words of the famous film, Titanic, “a woman’s heart is an ocean full of secrets.” I guess I can understand that. I’ll just discuss the best I can given the circumstance & keep the rest…well…“a secret”.
Ok. Here goes. I’ll shoot as straight as possible.
I should never be a product of disrespect.
Ever ever ever.
Used for selfish disconnected relations.
The self-indulgent ways another.
Is never an excuse for me to also be self-indulgent.
Despite my insecurities and my lack of self control.
My determination to be accepted.
Loved.
I’m never not obligated to love another.
To be selfless.
My emotions/feelings.
Open up my life to new realms.
Yet.
These are not in control of me.
I deserve respect.
The love from someone.
Who is worthy of my love in return.
Who is one who will fight for me.
Be a refuge in my time of weakness.
Hold me through wearisome times.
With no intention of anything in return.
One who will let me rest my head on his chest.
Wipe away my tears when I cry.
What I do not need.
Is one who will walk out on me.
One who takes all that I can give.
And more.
And leaves me on the corner of the street.
In the pouring rain.
Alone.
This has been a tough lesson in my life. But a necessary one. I am still in process of understanding my self worth. Luckily, there is one Man who fits my descriptions. He shows me what love is. I push aside His words so many many many times. Yet, He loves. He fights for me.
This my friends.
Is love.
He brings Beauty from my pain.
My ugly, broken, tattered heart.
Bruised.
And beaten from within.
Broken.
Tired heart.
Is tied together with One who’s heart never grows weary.
Ok. Here goes. I’ll shoot as straight as possible.
I should never be a product of disrespect.
Ever ever ever.
Used for selfish disconnected relations.
The self-indulgent ways another.
Is never an excuse for me to also be self-indulgent.
Despite my insecurities and my lack of self control.
My determination to be accepted.
Loved.
I’m never not obligated to love another.
To be selfless.
My emotions/feelings.
Open up my life to new realms.
Yet.
These are not in control of me.
I deserve respect.
The love from someone.
Who is worthy of my love in return.
Who is one who will fight for me.
Be a refuge in my time of weakness.
Hold me through wearisome times.
With no intention of anything in return.
One who will let me rest my head on his chest.
Wipe away my tears when I cry.
What I do not need.
Is one who will walk out on me.
One who takes all that I can give.
And more.
And leaves me on the corner of the street.
In the pouring rain.
Alone.
This has been a tough lesson in my life. But a necessary one. I am still in process of understanding my self worth. Luckily, there is one Man who fits my descriptions. He shows me what love is. I push aside His words so many many many times. Yet, He loves. He fights for me.
This my friends.
Is love.
He brings Beauty from my pain.
My ugly, broken, tattered heart.
Bruised.
And beaten from within.
Broken.
Tired heart.
Is tied together with One who’s heart never grows weary.
november 12
November. Oh how chilly you are! Although I must admit anything less than 75 degrees is frigid to me. I love the heat & for weeks now have been asking myself where summer went. Sadly it hasn’t really dipped below the 60’s yet. Oh my…what a winter I am in for. Although winter does have its perks. I will not pretend that it doesn’t.
As of tomorrow, it will be 2 weeks away from my beautiful Florida. A somewhat painful 2 weeks at times. Florida left me with many resolutions. Thank God for that. Yet, Florida always leaves me wanting more. I fear that I am having an affair. A full out affair. Yet I don’t care who knows it. I love Florida. Even if Florida may not be my best option. Nor the relationship that we have, the healthiest. But it’s simple really. It’s easy. It’s quick. The most probable word may be: tactful. And surprisingly, it’s the way I prefer it. No dilly dally. No run around. Straight forward. And to the point. But this often gets me into loads of trouble.
No. There were no hidden messages with a variety of interchangeable words that I am not at liberty to entirely speak freely about in that last paragraph. I have no idea what you’re talking about. Cough?
Aside from that, I have much to say. But as usual I’m tired seeing as the majority of my writing takes place during the wee hours of the night. I should work on that. I’ll do my best to fill in the blanks later. There is much on my heart.
Ciao.
As of tomorrow, it will be 2 weeks away from my beautiful Florida. A somewhat painful 2 weeks at times. Florida left me with many resolutions. Thank God for that. Yet, Florida always leaves me wanting more. I fear that I am having an affair. A full out affair. Yet I don’t care who knows it. I love Florida. Even if Florida may not be my best option. Nor the relationship that we have, the healthiest. But it’s simple really. It’s easy. It’s quick. The most probable word may be: tactful. And surprisingly, it’s the way I prefer it. No dilly dally. No run around. Straight forward. And to the point. But this often gets me into loads of trouble.
No. There were no hidden messages with a variety of interchangeable words that I am not at liberty to entirely speak freely about in that last paragraph. I have no idea what you’re talking about. Cough?
Aside from that, I have much to say. But as usual I’m tired seeing as the majority of my writing takes place during the wee hours of the night. I should work on that. I’ll do my best to fill in the blanks later. There is much on my heart.
Ciao.
november 2
Rating: PG (language content)
Hello November. It’s me again. Back from florida. Back from ‘home’. What a wonderful time I had. I can’t even describe. Everything I wanted out of the trip I got. Between my best friends & I, we were never not at a party. A few nights ago, one of my besties & I were standing outside in her driveway as I said, “this entire week has been a kick ass party”. She laughed. Agreed. And I realized how much I miss my friends. 3 out of my 6 best friends currently live in florida. Can you believe that my life is so blessed I have literally 6 best friends? most people are lucky in their lives if they end up with a single best friend. and I have 6. :) unbelievable. I think I might have slept a total of 4 hours the whole trip & lost about 5 pounds, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I met some wonderful new friends. some that I will never ever forget. and caught up with some old ones. Put into full swing some relationships I had already begun that I had been hoping to accelerate. There can be nothing better than being with the ones you love. Questions that I had in my mind for years were answered. I need not to ever wonder “what if.” The refreshment I needed came. I am still facing many decisions, but I feel prepared to face life with confidence.
There were a lot of ‘firsts’ for me this week. For example. I am 22 years old. For the first time in my life I was stung by a bee a few days ago while enjoying the company of my friends over some starbucks. It hurt like hell. But well, its life. and sometimes it hurts. Many more memorable moments happened this week. A few tears were shed for the parting of my friends & I, but when I stop to think about my life…i could never change it. I would keep the heartache & the pain. It has only made me who I am today. I have no regret. I will love. Even if when I wake up, I am alone. Being there this week has however made me realize that I am never alone. Even when it seems as so. Goodbyes always pull at my heart, but one thing is for certain. I realize how many people I love. And that without them I would be nothing.
Love is a word that I hardly knew the meaning of. Now I am starting to understand.
My fears. My failures. Are nothing in comparison to Your Love.
Also for the first time in my life. I realize. How I am able to do anything. There are no limitations on my life. The only limitations I have are the ones I put on myself. I am strong. I am confident. I am independent. I am free. I can accomplish anything my heart want. I can become exactly who I want to be. By pushing forward. By never ever ever giving up.
You need me less than I need you. –the fray
Hello November. It’s me again. Back from florida. Back from ‘home’. What a wonderful time I had. I can’t even describe. Everything I wanted out of the trip I got. Between my best friends & I, we were never not at a party. A few nights ago, one of my besties & I were standing outside in her driveway as I said, “this entire week has been a kick ass party”. She laughed. Agreed. And I realized how much I miss my friends. 3 out of my 6 best friends currently live in florida. Can you believe that my life is so blessed I have literally 6 best friends? most people are lucky in their lives if they end up with a single best friend. and I have 6. :) unbelievable. I think I might have slept a total of 4 hours the whole trip & lost about 5 pounds, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I met some wonderful new friends. some that I will never ever forget. and caught up with some old ones. Put into full swing some relationships I had already begun that I had been hoping to accelerate. There can be nothing better than being with the ones you love. Questions that I had in my mind for years were answered. I need not to ever wonder “what if.” The refreshment I needed came. I am still facing many decisions, but I feel prepared to face life with confidence.
There were a lot of ‘firsts’ for me this week. For example. I am 22 years old. For the first time in my life I was stung by a bee a few days ago while enjoying the company of my friends over some starbucks. It hurt like hell. But well, its life. and sometimes it hurts. Many more memorable moments happened this week. A few tears were shed for the parting of my friends & I, but when I stop to think about my life…i could never change it. I would keep the heartache & the pain. It has only made me who I am today. I have no regret. I will love. Even if when I wake up, I am alone. Being there this week has however made me realize that I am never alone. Even when it seems as so. Goodbyes always pull at my heart, but one thing is for certain. I realize how many people I love. And that without them I would be nothing.
Love is a word that I hardly knew the meaning of. Now I am starting to understand.
My fears. My failures. Are nothing in comparison to Your Love.
Also for the first time in my life. I realize. How I am able to do anything. There are no limitations on my life. The only limitations I have are the ones I put on myself. I am strong. I am confident. I am independent. I am free. I can accomplish anything my heart want. I can become exactly who I want to be. By pushing forward. By never ever ever giving up.
You need me less than I need you. –the fray
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