snow patrol

(Lyrically this song is incredible. It just is incredible. All ways)

I'm running out of ways to make you see
I want you to stay here beside me
I won't be okay and I won't pretend I am
So just tell me today and take my hand

Please take my hand
Please take my hand
Please take my hand
Please take my hand

Just say yes
Just say there's nothing holding you back
It's not a test
Nor a trick of the mind, only love

It's so simple and you know it is, you know it is
We can't be to and fro like this all our lives
You're the only way to me, the path is clear
What do I have to say to you for God's sake, dear?

For God's sake, dear
For God's sake, dear
For God's sake, dear
For God's sake, dear

Just say yes
Just say there's nothing holding you back
It's not a test
Nor a trick of the mind, only love

Just say yes
'Cause I'm aching and I know you are too
For the touch
Of your warm skin as I breathe you in

I can feel your heart beat through my shirt
This was all I wanted, all I want

It's all I want
It's all I want
It's all I want
It's all I want

Just say yes
Just say there's nothing holding you back
It's not a test
Nor a trick of the mind, only love

Just say yes
'Cause I'm aching and I know you are too
For the touch
Of your warm skin as I breathe you in

breathtaking

So I have a new favorite word: breathtaking. That is my favorite word. This weekend after the wedding I was in told me I was breathtaking. I love being called that. Even if I don't entirely believe it. ;) I looked up the definition & it make it even better. Breathtaking. It meant to much to me that this sweet boy told me this. Strictly out of purity of heart nonetheless. It always means a little more coming from a handsome boy. Haha! But Jesus thinks I'm breathtaking. I don't know why. He is breathtaking to me. Though I am struggling day & night...He is my pursuer. He keeps chasing after my stubborn, broken heart. He truly takes my breath away at the sound of His name. So breathtaking shall be my new word. Not to be taken lightly. But to be used with the utmost care.

Thank you Jesus.
My pursuer.
The reason I breathe.
My breathtaking Love.
I will live my life for You.

come find me

i'm so lost. so so lost.
i don't know where i am.
who i am.
where i'm going.
or where i came from.
won't you please come find me?

i am hurt.
i am broken.
i am transparent.

that is all.

2008. really? did i post this already? i don't even know

1.15.08

The last semester has officially begun. With one word simply resounding in my head. Graduation. If I am not mistaken, there are 106 sunsets until that glorious day. Yes. I have counted upon multiple occasions. Not that I am entirely done, but merely one page of my life has been written….and now on to the next. Whatever that may be. I many times wish that I had even the slightest clue.

Not to mention I am coming around on my 22nd year of life soon. Very soon. Hard to believe. 22. I remember as a little child, my favorite number has always been 2. since then I have unconsciously decided that when I turned 22 it would be the best year of my life. well, I guess we’ll see.

Life. all I know is that it’s precious. I know that some of it is spent in grave company. And some in complete loneliness. Some in silence & some in sheer noise. Other in discomfort & some in comfort.

The discomfort that I have felt over the past few years has shaped who I am to the very core. Discomfort generally gives off a negative connotation, but yet, many times its repercussions are to be praised. My mind has been opened to the possibilities & opportunities around me. often times I wish that I was a little child again. that the simplest moments in life brought me joy like they used to. I am in pursuit of this thing that we like to call happiness. I am convinced that we are in fact in charge of our own happiness & that life is what we choose to make it. That through the struggles & the pain, there is a level of accomplishment that could be attained no other way.

Life. is beautiful.

summer love. had me a blast.

June. Summer is my favorite. No competition. So many crazy & exciting things are coming up. Florida was a no go. I don’t understand why & I don’t even really want to talk about it anymore. There’s a reason. I don’t know what that reason is, but I’m semi content with this not knowing why. One of my best friends is getting married next week. I’m honored to be the maid of honor. My best friend in the world is getting married in September. I’m also honored to be the maid of honor in that one. She is more my sister. Our families have been friend s for almost 11 years. I am so thankful for that. I spend an unbelievable amount of time with them. I wouldn’t have it any other way. It feels like home to me. & I honestly can’t say that about anyone else. Not even close. That statement is a big deal for me, because I’m not comfortable anywhere.

Then there’s family issues. They never seem to get any better. They only get worse. I don’t know what to say about that other than I’m doing my best to simply make it through. No one knows.

& I guess there’s boys. Ok…I don’t guess. There’s like 100 boys. I don’t even know what to do with all them. They all seem the same to me. Hmmm…what’s a girl to do? Every day it’s all I can do to maintain focus on what’s important in life. & meaningless , insatiable relationships simply are not. I admit, I have been too tolerant. & this tolerance is biting me back right now.
& then there’s you. The you I’m talking about changes constantly. I’ll think it’s you. Then you turns into someone else. Another “you”. & it’s you…that has my head & heart so confused. As time moves on, so do love interests. It’s all a waiting game I suppose. It’s the 50 I turn down daily waiting on that 1. I don’t mean that in a conceited way. At all. But I’m 23 & single. With an entirely too forward personality. What do you expect?

I’m done here. I miss you missing me.
That’s all.

Oh & the only song I’m listening to on repeat right now:
Joshua Radin-Paperweight.
Go listen.
It reminds me of you.