i wish i had some kind of rejuvenating spout of encouragement saying that "it" has finally clicked, but i don't. all i know is that i've decided to forsake all else in order to chase after the heart of God as hard as it may be. i have no idea how it's going to work, but that's just it. i'm not supposed to know. i got some incredibly disappointing news yesterday, which may be followed by more disappointing news on monday, but the truth is...it's all going to be ok & i have to continuously tell myself that. my world is not over...i have not lost everything. i felt like a failure once again, like i wasn't good enough to do this & like i was never going to make it doing this. although i feel that i in one sense "wasted" my entire summer...a few weeks ago i was crying out to God & i told Him that if for nothing else...it was to wear His name boldly on my face. well, i guess that's what i did & hey that's good enough for me. that's all i really want with my life anyways. i don't know, i'm literally scared out of my wits for the first time in my life & i'm not too proud to admit it. at the same time i am so excited for the days to come. for the first time in my life, i'm about to run with nothing holding me back.
i love this song. i know i say that often, but i love music. when it first came out i kinda figured it would be over played, which it still prolly will, but it's how i feel now.
ps. my blog hit over a thousand views. i would get ice cream tonight or something except i think i'm accountable for at least half of those... :)
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