Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Monday, November 23, 2009
winter solstice reading list
*the orphaned anything: stephen christian
*blue like jazz: donald miller
*the shack: william p. young
*twlight series: stefenie meyer
love this song:
*blue like jazz: donald miller
*the shack: william p. young
*twlight series: stefenie meyer
love this song:
on missing the point
USA 60sec add from Hillsong United on Vimeo.
what holds me back from this?
me. only me.
when watch these, i remember once again who i am.
i lose sight of it so easily.
THIS. is who i am.
this is what i love.
this is what i live for.
now...my dream.
MUST become reality.
simple revelations
God just gave me this simple revelation. Some things in life are important. Some things simply aren't. Life is all about discerning between the two.
not gonna lie. i have a hard time with that.
not gonna lie. i have a hard time with that.
Saturday, November 21, 2009
november 18
What I do know.
Is that I miss you.
Sometimes I still feel you.
Sometimes I close my eyes.
And hear you breathing on my neck.
I still taste your kiss on my lips.
And dream that you’re lying next to me.
Waking up without you doesn’t feel right.
And falling asleep alone feels so cold.
Will we ever drop our defenses?
Will we ever learn to love?
When you see me.
Will you pass by without a single glance?
Or will you ask me to dance again?
Time passes so quickly.
But when we’re apart.
Time passes oh so slow.
I’m dreaming of our eyes meeting again.
To be in your arms again.
Is the only thing I’ve ever really wanted.
Is that I miss you.
Sometimes I still feel you.
Sometimes I close my eyes.
And hear you breathing on my neck.
I still taste your kiss on my lips.
And dream that you’re lying next to me.
Waking up without you doesn’t feel right.
And falling asleep alone feels so cold.
Will we ever drop our defenses?
Will we ever learn to love?
When you see me.
Will you pass by without a single glance?
Or will you ask me to dance again?
Time passes so quickly.
But when we’re apart.
Time passes oh so slow.
I’m dreaming of our eyes meeting again.
To be in your arms again.
Is the only thing I’ve ever really wanted.
november 15
I think I’m going to cry. Ok probably not. But if I cried ever…I think I’d be crying right now. I’m not entirely sure why. Life has been wearing on my lately. The build up of discomfort is now catching up I suppose. I have much on my mind lately. I wish that I were at liberty to tell all on here. Although, this is partly a diary if you will, there are certain things I mustn’t discuss on the world wide web. I am an open minded & honest person, but for the discretion of the other “party” I fear I must keep my mouth closed. In the words of the famous film, Titanic, “a woman’s heart is an ocean full of secrets.” I guess I can understand that. I’ll just discuss the best I can given the circumstance & keep the rest…well…“a secret”.
Ok. Here goes. I’ll shoot as straight as possible.
I should never be a product of disrespect.
Ever ever ever.
Used for selfish disconnected relations.
The self-indulgent ways another.
Is never an excuse for me to also be self-indulgent.
Despite my insecurities and my lack of self control.
My determination to be accepted.
Loved.
I’m never not obligated to love another.
To be selfless.
My emotions/feelings.
Open up my life to new realms.
Yet.
These are not in control of me.
I deserve respect.
The love from someone.
Who is worthy of my love in return.
Who is one who will fight for me.
Be a refuge in my time of weakness.
Hold me through wearisome times.
With no intention of anything in return.
One who will let me rest my head on his chest.
Wipe away my tears when I cry.
What I do not need.
Is one who will walk out on me.
One who takes all that I can give.
And more.
And leaves me on the corner of the street.
In the pouring rain.
Alone.
This has been a tough lesson in my life. But a necessary one. I am still in process of understanding my self worth. Luckily, there is one Man who fits my descriptions. He shows me what love is. I push aside His words so many many many times. Yet, He loves. He fights for me.
This my friends.
Is love.
He brings Beauty from my pain.
My ugly, broken, tattered heart.
Bruised.
And beaten from within.
Broken.
Tired heart.
Is tied together with One who’s heart never grows weary.
Ok. Here goes. I’ll shoot as straight as possible.
I should never be a product of disrespect.
Ever ever ever.
Used for selfish disconnected relations.
The self-indulgent ways another.
Is never an excuse for me to also be self-indulgent.
Despite my insecurities and my lack of self control.
My determination to be accepted.
Loved.
I’m never not obligated to love another.
To be selfless.
My emotions/feelings.
Open up my life to new realms.
Yet.
These are not in control of me.
I deserve respect.
The love from someone.
Who is worthy of my love in return.
Who is one who will fight for me.
Be a refuge in my time of weakness.
Hold me through wearisome times.
With no intention of anything in return.
One who will let me rest my head on his chest.
Wipe away my tears when I cry.
What I do not need.
Is one who will walk out on me.
One who takes all that I can give.
And more.
And leaves me on the corner of the street.
In the pouring rain.
Alone.
This has been a tough lesson in my life. But a necessary one. I am still in process of understanding my self worth. Luckily, there is one Man who fits my descriptions. He shows me what love is. I push aside His words so many many many times. Yet, He loves. He fights for me.
This my friends.
Is love.
He brings Beauty from my pain.
My ugly, broken, tattered heart.
Bruised.
And beaten from within.
Broken.
Tired heart.
Is tied together with One who’s heart never grows weary.
november 12
November. Oh how chilly you are! Although I must admit anything less than 75 degrees is frigid to me. I love the heat & for weeks now have been asking myself where summer went. Sadly it hasn’t really dipped below the 60’s yet. Oh my…what a winter I am in for. Although winter does have its perks. I will not pretend that it doesn’t.
As of tomorrow, it will be 2 weeks away from my beautiful Florida. A somewhat painful 2 weeks at times. Florida left me with many resolutions. Thank God for that. Yet, Florida always leaves me wanting more. I fear that I am having an affair. A full out affair. Yet I don’t care who knows it. I love Florida. Even if Florida may not be my best option. Nor the relationship that we have, the healthiest. But it’s simple really. It’s easy. It’s quick. The most probable word may be: tactful. And surprisingly, it’s the way I prefer it. No dilly dally. No run around. Straight forward. And to the point. But this often gets me into loads of trouble.
No. There were no hidden messages with a variety of interchangeable words that I am not at liberty to entirely speak freely about in that last paragraph. I have no idea what you’re talking about. Cough?
Aside from that, I have much to say. But as usual I’m tired seeing as the majority of my writing takes place during the wee hours of the night. I should work on that. I’ll do my best to fill in the blanks later. There is much on my heart.
Ciao.
As of tomorrow, it will be 2 weeks away from my beautiful Florida. A somewhat painful 2 weeks at times. Florida left me with many resolutions. Thank God for that. Yet, Florida always leaves me wanting more. I fear that I am having an affair. A full out affair. Yet I don’t care who knows it. I love Florida. Even if Florida may not be my best option. Nor the relationship that we have, the healthiest. But it’s simple really. It’s easy. It’s quick. The most probable word may be: tactful. And surprisingly, it’s the way I prefer it. No dilly dally. No run around. Straight forward. And to the point. But this often gets me into loads of trouble.
No. There were no hidden messages with a variety of interchangeable words that I am not at liberty to entirely speak freely about in that last paragraph. I have no idea what you’re talking about. Cough?
Aside from that, I have much to say. But as usual I’m tired seeing as the majority of my writing takes place during the wee hours of the night. I should work on that. I’ll do my best to fill in the blanks later. There is much on my heart.
Ciao.
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